"Not That Kind of Atheist"

Now that I have made my atheism known to some close people, I’ve noticed that friends (particularly theist friends) are really being sensitive about mentioning anything that has to do with religion around me.

For instance, a friend found out that I am in a crisis at the moment and said something like, “I wanted to say I’ll pray for you, but I know how you feel about that now. Still rest assured you are in my thoughts.” And then there are the funny moments when even expressions like, “Oh God...” are quickly followed up by remarks like, “...of course I know you don’t believe there is one.”

It’s actually great and I really do feel fortunate for the respect and tolerance they have for my new beliefs. I am quite sure not everyone benefits from the understanding and acceptance of such open mindedness.

But what amuses me is that look of anticipation for a possible rebuttal at times when topics like answered prayers, morality and scriptures occasionally come up during a conversation. It’s as if people who carefully glance at me are silently waiting for what the token atheist has to say about a remark and hopefully someone in the group snaps back with a negation wherein a debate may ensue for all to watch.

Sorry to disappoint, there has always been an "on" position on my tolerance switch and the knob is usually set on "high".

While I do try to equip myself by reading as much as I can about atheism and science, I do it more to be able to formulate my own stance on issues and to not leave anything anymore to conventional belief.

Having to debate on occasion is I guess healthy to be able to challenge my own concluded opinions and to know what areas of my belief I made still need further research on. But to militantly confront people about religion is definitely not in my primary intent. I am well aware that if you fight religion head on, you can always trust that it will fight back, possibly even in Old Testament style with all the fury and wrath.

I do recognize the fact that I may have to be firm at times about my stand, especially when it involves or directly affects my family or even when it becomes related to a socially pressing issue.

But I would just like to assure people that when ever possible, I do try to keep my atheism to myself. I most certainly choose the people I engage with about it too. Because let’s face it, there are fundamentalists out there who just get off and live for opportunities to spew bible verses at the first unsuspecting heretic they come across with. And some of us would be fortunate enough if they simply stick to the verbal harassments.

So, for instances when religion is forcibly shoved down my throat, you can bet that I will not take it sitting down. But for times when people say grace and thank God for a meal, I won’t say, “Shouldn’t we thank the cook instead?” When someone recovers from an illness and says, "Thank God for answering my prayers and curing me", I won't argue by saying, "Why do you have health insurance if God truly heals the sick?" Or worse, when someone tries to consoles a grieving person by saying, “She’s in a better place”, I won’t say, “Actually about that, this might not be the best time and I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there is no afterlife! Your loved one is just silently decomposing right now as we speak and nothing more. My sincerest condolences though”.

I’m not that kind of atheist. I actually still catch my self saying “My God!” at times. It’s a low priority button I am still trying to consciously deactivate. Besides, OMG, is way more convenient than typing OMGITIAG (That's short for "Oh My God If There Is A God").

I had people tell me that even though I no longer believe in God, they assure me that I am always included in their prayers. As a former theist, trust me when I say that I will always be able to process the sincerity and thoughtfulness in that.