"A Religious Neutral Zone"

Dear daughter,

I have just finished reading this book and have highlighted parts that struck me as interesting things to ponder on.

I hope that when the time comes you will be able to enjoy reading this as much as I did and decide for your self.

As of this writing you are only eight years old, as inquisitive as you are lovely.

But may your curiosity of the world around you lead you to paths that enrich your life and your capacity to think freely.

-Dad

I’ve written the above message on one of first pages of the book, “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. I hope to be able to hand it to my daughter someday as a reference when she starts asking the same questions I have unfortunately asked much much later in life.

I am trying to raise my daughter, as Dawkins puts it, to be “a child of Protestant parents” and not a "Protestant child". Although I would plead guilty that prior to her going to Catholic school (as there were no good secular schools in our area) we did take the time to explain to her that she is not Catholic and what it means to be a Protestant, especially in the manner of prayer. We told her that performing the sign of the cross and memorized prayer is not something Protestants do.

That by far was the extent of our daughter’s religious up bringing by her theist mother and at that time, theologically confused father on the verge of atheism.

On the issue of prayer, I have of course since deconverting from Christianity and theism altogether ceased any instruction for my daughter to talk to God. Although my wife and I have somewhat agreed that our household was to be a “neutral zone” for religion, we got into a discussion that it was possibly harmful to introduce alterative beliefs to an eight year old child as it might be a source of confusion as she grows up. My wife is deeply concerned how having an atheist dad and a theist mother may affect her ability to perceive reality.

I argued that our daughter is already surrounded by traditional religious beliefs in her school, her community, her friends and in fact half of her parents. I am actually the only immediate source of alternative belief available for our child. I cannot do anything else about the school she currently studies in (I am not going to extremes as to pull her out from her Catholic school just because I do not believe anymore that there is a God), I cannot do anything about the beliefs of her friends, relatives and even her own mother. But my entire point is that I think if we are truly going to let the child decide at one point what to believe, at least in the household the default position is non compliance to any religious practice.

To restate, the main concern here is that our daughter is too young and that it is wrong to confuse her with ceasing practices such as prayers and providing reasons for doing so.

I’ve had people tell me that I ought to bend backwards at this point and just raise our daughter believing in God and when the time comes that she starts asking questions, allow her to research and reach a conclusion of her own. Another friend was of the opinion that since both sides are of equal values why not just choose the theistic point of view.

Those of course were solicited advices and opinions as I want to get people’s perspective, even if they were leaning towards theism. Still, allow me to provide my thesis for choosing the neutral zone approach in our household.

I believe that if we were to raise our child as my wife would want it, as God “fearing” and Bible believing, we curtail her opportunity to practice reason. I do not take it against my own parents for raising me to believe in God, they had no choice, they too were victimized by culture, tradition and the very up bringing and indoctrination of my grand parents. That is not the case for my daughter. And to lean towards theism just because both atheism and theism are of equal value and that there is nothing to lose if I do so is just too Pascal’s Wager like for me to concede to.

So my wife and I agreed to disagree in some cases but reached a middle ground that we would forego things like prayers and provide equal opportunities for both sides. If asked, we will be open in saying that Daddy believes things to be this way while Mommy believes it to be another, and hope that someday she will be able to decide by assessing the weight of evidence on each side.

And when that day does come, I have a great book for her to read!