In a previous post I mentioned how after coming to a conclusion that I was in fact an atheist, one of the first things I did was I told my wife about it. I used the term “non theist”, which I felt was less up front than "atheist". Still it did very little to soften the blow as the idea that I have completely turned by back on God was not something my wife was ready to wrap her brain around.
There are a handful of people out there that are still in a situation where they are unable to tell friends and family members that they are atheists mainly because they fear judgment and discrimination. It’s the same reason why some homosexuals out there (and I do know a few) choose to remain in the closet because they fear being open targets of ridicule and popular opinions.
I am not about to encourage recent de-converts like myself to come out because I feel it’s a touchy subject. I think that the best person who can really assess whether its “safe to come out” is in fact the person in the closet. But allow me to give you personal insights on why I did decide to let people know that I am now an atheist.
1. Going to Church. There are lots of reasons why I stopped going to church even when I was still a Christian, but on top of the list are disbelief in the practices and the fact that I concluded that I didn’t need God to figure out how to be a good person or a good parent. Things like “speaking in tongues” has always baffled me and seeing how that goes on frequently in church services was just way too weird and distracting for me. And the teachings regarding morality has always been a no brainer that I sometimes feel insulted that I actually need to hear those things from the pulpit. If people need to go to church in order for them to stay good, I say let’s keep these people in church then. I hope that when people know I am an atheist, they would understand why I don’t and won’t go to church. For some reason, I think the judgment is lighter for people who openly refuse to go to church than it is for those who are still required to go but refuse to do so, or worse make lousy excuses.
2. Revisiting Missed Opportunities. If I were still a Christian, I am quite sure attending Atheist Meet Ups will be one of the last things I would find myself doing. I have started reaching out to these people and am very pleased to see that apart from atheism we still share a lot of other things in common (music, parenting, etc). Prior to becoming an atheist, these are people who I would have not gone out of my way to meet simply because they do not share a same belief system.
3. Personal Integrity. I am not a very reserved type of person. I am in fact very opinionated and am very passionate about the things I believe in. Because people are often labeled for what they do more than anything else, I think if I didn’t come to a conclusion that I am in fact an atheist, I would assume that people would conclude that for me. I want people to have the entire me, everything that I can reveal that accounts for my totality. If people want to disassociate with me for what I believe in, that is something I am prepared to accept mainly because of the following item...
4. Acceptance from the Better Half. This is actually the first reason why I came out. It was a true test of unconditional love for my wife to make efforts to understand my atheism. But when she finally came into terms with it, I realized that if the person that matters the most to me is ok with who I am, why should I be bothered by what other people think?
At this point though, let me throw you a curve ball. I have not told my parents about my atheism and I do not plan on telling them in the immediate future. Why? Because I believe that no good will come from it. While I know that I have not changed, that I am still the same person I was when I was a Christian, it is not worth the reasons I just enumerated to upset them and have them bend over backwards to what I now believe.
I do realize that they may one day stumble upon this blog and find out. Or that someone might tell them about it. I will deal with it when the day comes I suppose, but I will not impose my belief on them nor will I argue for them to understand, again because it is not worth it. I actually think that my parents will be ok with it, but they are conservative and I am not willing to take that risk of upsetting them over something that I can keep to myself.
So let me beat you to the question, what if my wife was deeply rooted in her religion and I know for a fact that it would only be a cause of friction for both of us, would I still tell her that I am an atheist? Since I am living with my wife, I will be honest enough to attempt to reveal it, but the same reasons I had with my parents will trump every reason I have to pursue it if the initial response is unfavorable.
I’ve mentioned that becoming an atheist is commonly an extremely gradual process for most people, because it tends to challenge the years of indoctrination, change the firmly conditioned mind, decontaminate the logic and even rationalize with the fears theists were made to believe since childhood. This is a basic fact I neglected when I revealed to my wife that I was an atheist. I completely assumed that she would be able to process in mere minutes all the stacked up reasons I had for rejecting the idea of the existence of God.
While I am extremely thankful that my wife was forgiving enough to how I sprung it up on her and she initiated a forum to re-discuss my reasons, I do know how other people may not be as open minded, or even perhaps may never have an open mind. And that’s where it comes down to, what is actually more important. While there may be valid instances (though I can't think of any), atheism in my opinion is not worth losing a loved one over. Coexisting of course should work both ways, but its also a matter of what are you willing to trade with to coexist with that person.
Yes I am an atheist, but I am a son and a husband foremost.
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